I say it was a beautiful school because shortly after I graduated… things started to change there. They decided there needed to be more room for students and that things needed to be more modernized and so they began adding on… before we knew it.. half the lawn and trees that had been there over 100 years were gone. Chain link fence went up and a big brick box was added to the front and back of the school- I presume to add more space. It was, and still is to me quite ugly and not well thought out with any concern for architecture or feeling or well, anything but greedy developers.  I seem to recall there was a lot of politics around the whole mess. Then again, this is NYC… when is there NOT a lot of  politics.  So, not having control of any of it- and having to go forward, I let it all go… and moved on.

Yesterday, though, there it  was in my face. As I walked by I was flooded with memories. I walked the perimeter of the school and caught a glimpse here and there of the old facade… you could see the windows.. now all with bars on them.. of my 4th grade classroom where I first learned french,  I could see the classroom window too of where I first formally loved to paint and color and to be creative… I saw where the doorway used to be near the old playground that I entered with my mother on my very first day of kindergarten…. and the entryway near the marble steps where I fell and cracked open my chin… the scar of those stitches still there. Seven years and so many wonderful memories.

I could look at it now.. and see it as it was.. and in that moment…I saw the metaphor… of all I began in the world with.. clean and pretty and picturesque. All the writing and neat penmanship. Now, I look at all I have added on to me.. the hanging appendages of life's experiences.. much of which does not seem so pretty.. but it is there for the world to see now.  I am getting too old to worry about trying to camouflage it all. I could still recognize this place.. I saw lots of kids playing in the playground. They have no idea what it used to be like.. and they love their school just as I did.

I walked to what used to be the front side of the building.. there is a little park entrance where the public can walk across what lawn there used to be. Five or six trees left… I put my hand on one trunk and felt the enormous energy of this beauty that has been watching over these kids for 100 years plus. Watched over my mother and me too. As I walked past the last tree… I looked at the bark and there carved was the letter M- that was all.

And in that moment… I felt this lovely connection…Yes Marilena- M- You are still in there… this is all part of you… It is all within… and no matter what life has brought you… it has all been for your  growth.  You have more space for learning now  and the real beauty if on the inside… Not in the facade. It is in the spirit of the lives we touch, in the roots we plant, in the way we stretch ourselves despite the marks this can leave.  

All in all good lessons to learn! And a good foundation to spring from.  As I turned the last corner to go, I passed the new main entrance.. not grand doors of oak and glass but an old steel door with chipped paint… the plaque beside it read… PS 79 "Where Everyone is Special." And yes, ain't it the truth? We just have to remember, just how special we all are and to keep looking within to see it!

Going Quantum With You…

Marilena

This is why I keep a reminder on my desk… it surfaces from time to time when I need to be reminded of it… The piece of paper simply says.. CONTROL is an ILLUSION.  Ahh… Insto- Presto- where is my magic wand when I need it?

Those of us who like the illusion of control– You know who you are… no need for us to point… we depend on it like a crutch. Take away your sense of control and what you are left with is well… scary some days… 

We like to think we are evolved enough to be in the flow of limitless possibilities and we are open to all things. To a point.

During the toughest of life's situations… we grab for a shred of control. But it slips through our fingers as we are reminded that we cannot control anyone or anything out there.  Sure you may put every ounce of your energy in it for a while… but in the end… partners still go, people still die, loved ones get sick and may not get better, jobs disappear, accidents happen, family disappoints, people judge and shame us……. and then what? We are left trying to put the pieces of our shattered brokenness back together again….and make sense of it all- when there is no sense to be made at all-at least on a human level.  We can easily get stuck on one or two notes we play over and over again. For those of you who are old enough to remember, that is the proverbial broken record. The more we play the notes, the deeper that groove gets.. until it is a canyon from which it seems impossible to dig out.

Life can be hard…or as Scott Peck, the author of The Road Less Traveled, so simply, yet profoundly began his bestseller: Life is difficult. Ok some days it just plain sucks, Scott. And no matter what you believe, EVERYONE has these days. You have not been singled out. 

What is to be done? What do you do?  Do we revert to our habits:  the sugar, the overeating, the no- self care, the self hatred, the overwork, the smoking, the victimhood, the anger, the sleeping, the shopping, the numbing out of the day? You pick it.

Today I cleaned out piles… for all the wrong reasons.  I see myself in my meta-view.. looking down… she is trying to get super-organized again.. Who knew that making binders… was a sign of such imbalance.  But I caught it today… hmmm the old "trying-to-feel-like-I-am-in- control-of-something-for-which-I-have absolutely-no-control-by-trying-to-control-everything-else-in-my-life" trick. Classic.

As a child, I had hoped that life came in nice little boxes like I saw on TV… but I learned soon enough that it did not.. What "should be" often wasn't.  I learned a lot of bad coping skills along the way… and have spent probably 40 years trying to unravel them… but they are always there… they are old friends… and when life is really hard it is so easy to go back there like an old bad neighborhood … and even though we all think ourselves more evolved than that and we may in fact be… these shadows and self- sabotages are here to remind us… we are human. We mess up. 

When you are "doing your work"… or you are "on the light path".. there are still dark days.. and the way out is never control… never taking the helm in anger… but using instead your inner guidance system to steer yourself back into the flow.  Yes, of course, sometimes being angry can get you really focused and give you back a sense of control… illusion, remember? It is only love that puts you back into the Flow and into the light.

What scares us about the dark is the unknown… But there can ultimately be no light if there is no darkness. To be in the flow is to be as my dear friend Angela, says.. in the friggin' unknown.. we know it is where we need to be.. it is the source of life and growth.. and yet we have been taught to fear this place… to lead instead of being led.. to control our destinies and shape our lives… when in fact.. life shapes us.  How it shapes us has to do with where we sit. Are we from love.. and loving ourselves?  That will make all the difference.

To be in the flow is to know, to trust & to have faith that all things are unfolding as they should.  Hard for a self- professed control freak to feel the sands shifting under foot…But, if this is true-what does that leave for me "TO DO"? The only yin for that yang is "TO BE."  My only choice is to be my own first beloved. To give to myself the utmost care and respect and love without expecting ONE DROP from anyone else.  Then everything else is a joyful bonus. This is your job one. That is it…  You can be president, make it on whatever the latest thing Oprah is doing, have your name in lights.. but to live until you love yourself… this gives you an A+ in life…  which should make all our overachievers happy.

Control and Being in the Flow are entirely incompatible. One cancels out the other.  Control is an Illusion. Love is not.

With my Love and Gratitude
and Going Quantum with You

Marilena

As the years fly by- and yes now they seem to fly faster than ever- I do have more than ever a sense that I have so much I want to do and so little time.  Of course, I have a bucket list, but I am not talking about that as much as I am talking about the smaller list of projects that have been steadily accumulating in my life and in my practice. 

When the New Year turned this year, I looked at all my piles and I really felt the energy pull it had on me. Down. Down. Down.

What was in many of those piles and files were lots of odds and ends, articles and ideas of projects that I have been meaning to get to and to complete… and the truth is… if they have not gotten done so far… likely they will not ever get done.  If you are blessed to be a person who can generate lots of ideas this is likely to be an issue for you.

So I started asking myself about all these once seemingly "great" projects and ideas a series of questions:

1. Is this a project or idea I really love and still feel passionate about?

2. Has life evolved for me past this project? 

3. Is this project/idea taking up space without paying rent? (Any return from it yet financial or otherwise?)

4. Is this project/idea meant for someone else?

5. Could I give myself permission to let it go and forget about it or would I alway wonder "what if"?

6. What am I afraid will happen if I let this go?

7. Could I bless it, declare that it was complete even in its incompletion and let it go back into the universe of potentiality for someone else?

Ahhhh. now we are getting somewhere!

Toss, Toss, Toss!  How freeing that has been and continues to be…

What am I left with?

A much smaller pile of projects I still feel passionate about….

And now a new list of questions for this projects I do want to tackle with renewed energy!

1. What is it going to take to get this project/idea off the ground?

2. What has kept me from doing so up until this point?

3. Who can help me get it moving?

4. Who can keep me accountable?

5. What would it meant to me to complete this?

So the theme for me for 2012 has turned to COMPLETIONS. 

What are you tolerating in your life that is not complete? It is SUCKING UP YOUR ENERGY! MORE ENERGY THAN YOU CAN AFFORD! CAN YOU FEEL IT?

Make a list of those things and systematically get them done.  That is  Keep them, Toss them or Delegate/Offer them to someone else.

FORGIVE YOURSELF for not having done them, and GIVE YOURSELF PERMSSION TO LET THEM GO into their right new pile.

For the projects you do want to tackle…. Focus! Break it Down! Get  Accountability or Coaching! But commit to getting this done!  Why?

• You will free yourself from physical, emotional and mental clutter!
• You will live in the present moment and be working on more of those things you feel more passionate about!
• You will seal up the energy leaks of your life and have more energy available to you for the new and good that is waiting to enter into you life if you will only make room for it!

And trust me… as far as ideas go .. big or otherwise… there are plenty more where these came from!

REPEAT AFTER ME:  I am an idea magnet and I am clearing space for the ideas and projects that will take me and my practice to the next level of enjoyment and success!

Take the Leap!

Going Quantum With You~

Marilena

All change requires challenge and communication.  Stretching into new ideas, behaviors, habits and patterns. Nothing helps us explore this with our clients more effectively than going through it ourselves as well. Now is a time to think about where you want to be challenged in these next 90 days too. Walking alongside your clients will  help support them in ways untold and help you find the edges in your coaching and communication with them where you know you need to continue to grow and challenge yourself as a practitioner.

I spent New Year's Day on a spree of uncluttering piles of uninspiring projects that have not been tackled in the last 2, 3, 5- OK… even 10 years.. If you haven't gotten to them by now.. it ain't happenin'– you know?  For me this is the process of raising the levels of both creativity and inspiration in my practice…and making space for what is on its way! Time for new, juicier projects that help me continue my evolution as a coach. Are you making room for your new inspirations?

There was a lot at the end of the year that spoke to me about clearing up miscommunication with others.  After a month of telecommunications snafus including a poor internet line and phone interruptions, drop outs, bad recordings, and poor service providers, I was frustrated to say the least… and no, Mercury was not in retrograde.

Buying new computers, phones, lines, routers, and service eventually turned things around and provided a critical reminder of how important good, clear communication is: No drop outs, No mixed signals, no crackling on the line…

In an effort to take it to the next level and challenge myself, I decided to see what I could do about getting these new computers to talk to one another. I headed to the Mac Store, where after all, at the Genius Bar, you are sure to get the answers to all of life's major questions. It was there that I was told that I would have to enter into "The Cloud."  Really,  I said- where is this "said cloud"- how do you get there and who else will I find there if I go?  I asked this with strains of Mick Jagger filtering into my brain… (Hey! You! Get Off of My Cloud for those not old enough to remember- including the Genius who was helping me.)


I was loaded up with what I needed and sent off with a new challenge for the new year.  We will see how it goes. 

Once I left there I started picturing all of us – each with our clouds walking around…… and then there is the big cloud- maybe our technological collective unconscious? Who knows…but it begs the question I want to ask you… What is going on in your Cloud? Where do you need to foster better connection in your life? Who needs to hear from you? Where is there communication clutter? How is your communication skill as a coach? We can all do better, we can all afford to come back to the basics and review again and again.

In simpler times and treasured moments now, we take the time to sit and watch clouds rolling by — a tiger, a dog, a flower…..

Somehow, I still like those clouds better. Sit by me and let's watch a few together.. let's have a chat and see what we learn.

In the meantime, I will remember other good rules of Cloud Communication: 

• Listen twice as much as you Talk.
• State your Purpose Clearly and Simply.
• Tell the Truth Compassionately.
• Convey Your Ideas with Passion.
• Seek to Inspire the Other.
• Bring and Umbrella Just in Case.
• Stick with it and you can count on the Sunshine!

Many Blessings for the Wonderment of 2012!

Going Quantum with you!

Marilena

These seem to come in two categories for me. There is the place that pumps our adrenaline and gets us going like getting on stage, or striking up a conversation, jumping out of a plane or ziplining in Costa Rica, which I did this past summer. Facing those fears shake us up.. loosen the grip and once we face them, somehow we feel a bit more confident. It puts things in perspective.

The other kind of fear drains us. It is the kind of fear that erodes our confidence because is it with us every day. We know we can choose to face or not face the Thrill and Chill kind of fear.. BUT we Live with the kind of fear that says we are not good enough or don't know enough and never will never make it… Those kinds of fears have been with us since we were first experienced that we were "less than" or for being bold or for not being perfect.

Sometimes these two fears feed off of one another… When I was in Costa Rica this summer, teaching at an Institute for Integrative Nutrition conference, I had the chance to go Ziplining. I could have not gone… but on the last day to register, I woke up and said to myself, "You just spoke to 60 coaches about facing your fears… you have to walk your own talk." It was time. So I trundled down to the desk and as luck would have it.. the tour was still open. I did not think about it.. I just figured when the moment came, I would put one foot in front of the other….At the appointed time, our small group,  got into a cab… and off we went. It was raining… and in Nosara in August, it is often raining. You get used to being soggy. Interesting zipline conditions…but we went and signed our waivers, got suited up and got in the truck on the way up the muddy mountain. With all the rain, we occasionally got stuck in the mud and we got out to push. The Universe always has ways of testing you once you make a commitment to some course of action. Have you noticed that?

Way, way up we went.  The view from the tree tops was gorgeous… We got our instructions on what to do and what not to do and as I was trying to take it all in (in my head) the first instructor who had to get to the other side…pointed at me and said "we are going first!"  And that was the moment. My inner voice said- "Time's up.. get out of your head… and surrender… just let go and trust."  It was beautiful, fast and loud. Fun would not enter into it for some time.   These guys who take you, do this every single day…I figured they can spot someone who is nervous, less agile or athletic or older…I did not want to be any of those things.. but it was a moment of acceptance…so going tandem was a humbling moment but I accepted the grace of it.

There were 8 jumps altogether… and in the end, the instructors each took a turn or two and went tandem with me.. and occasionally with others.  When it was all said and done… on the way down the mountain, I was feeling a real sense of disappointment in myself. I had wanted to conquer this.. and I noticed my internal process. That old perfectionistic Inner Critic who said.. "You chickened out! You let them take you… you were too afraid to fail and you did not get the full experience." I was feeling a lot of old shame that needed to be healed. Sitting with this for a while.. I could see that it was the perfect opportunity to work with these old wounds.

In the end, I learned once again that beating myself up got me nowhere!  I faced my fears by simply getting to the top of the mountain… my reward for that was seeing all the help that showed up once I simply trusted. By allowing someone else to hold a safe space for me for a change.. and by accepting help…. by the last jump,  I rode backwards and was laying flat on my back.. WHAT AN AMAZING GIFT he gave me to fly through the air like that! The instructor spun me around too -things I never would have done for this first time! He pointed out the waterfalls far below which many others did not get to see….

And oh, I also had fun. Go figure.

I took some big steps toward facing my fears… next time who knows what will be possible…what is more important now is the zipline I face every day!
 

So my dear Coaches, how is your ziplining going? What are your fears doing with you? Are they really the ones in the driver's seat?  Are they running like a program in the back of your mind computer? Our jobs here are to feel them, face them and fly with them. Your fears can set you free… Just wanted to plant these seeds with you so that we can continue the conversation. Tell me about what is scaring you… and I will show you the road map to your success! 

(You are HERE! Check out the Quantum Coaching Live EVENT just for health coaches! October 16th-see details below)

Going quantum with you!

Marilena

PS!  The Quantum Coaching Daytreat will be in the New York Area.. October 16th.. this one day intensive with me and the Quantum Coaching Team will focus on Getting out of the Fear and Into the Flow.  Full event details and registration here:
http://quantumcoachingmethod.com/from-the-fear-into-the-flow/

So now the question rises to the top.. have I really been hibernating? Or have I been hiding out?  How have i really rested and honored my body and its rhythm, let alone the rhythm of the earth in these past few months… How have I instead.. slowed down but not really rejuvinated?

So the idea that I could  make the most of this transition from winter to spring occurs to me. It is time to balance a bit of "being" with the "doing" that I have been keeping myself busy with… Doing can make it easy to ignore the "being."  That is to feel my feelings, to go within. That which should be so natural.. is often set aside in the name of moving ahead and achieving and success. But there really cannot be true success if it is not streaming through our souls.

Truly being… I find… is demanding that I make space in my life.. in my physical, emotional and soul life.. for what lies ahead.  So it is time to come out of hiding and let go of what is not serving me in this life…Time is shorter than we think! We cannot afford to wait! Really.

I lost two of my dearest elders this winter… and I lost of lot of my own father too this year as age continues to claim him. I think I accept this all much less gracefully than they do….In addition to my own dad, these two other men were like fathers to me. They looked out for me, they saw the best in me, they believed in me, and they loved me rather unconditionally.  It was their time… I miss them… as I miss so many who have gone before- my own mother included. I feel them around always… but still it is not always the same. As he was dying, my dear friend Harold, would cheer me on.. "Doll," he would say- "Go- Dream- Do- While You Still Can- Don't miss a moment of it… Do not hang around people or jobs or anything that do not serve you. Cut em out! Do not hesitate! You cannot afford it!."  Al, who just died yesterday at the age of 77, I found out had a massive coronary 22 years ago and flatlined. He then was revived and remained in a coma for a week and had open heart surgery and came out of it …. cursing like a sailor!  That is pretty amazing in medical standards for 22 years ago… But he got another shot… and was the most supportive, caring, loving man. He and his wife are just amazing, giving people. They knew they were on borrowed time and it ran out yesterday morning when she leaned over in bed to find that he had passed quietly with a smile on his face.

So what will we learn then. It is simply too easy to say we have to live while we can. But maybe it is easier to think about disentangling ourselves so we can be free to say yes… and love our lives and the adventures ahead even more. I for one… am sick of those piles and projects that are not done; I am tired of pouring energy -good after bad – into situations that bear no fruit… and so I think it is time to clean our proverbial houses.. Spring Cleaning….. Deep Cleaning…  Don't know about you.. but I got a lot of adventuring to do!  See you out there!

Going Quantum with You!

Marilena

I just returned from a week in Southern California where the weather was glorious and I had a lesson in finding my way…. For me there are different kinds of travel… beach vacations where you just park yourself on the sand with a good book… just feet away from the water to cool off.  Then there are touring kinds of trips where you are sight seeing and learning. And then, there is my favorite way to go… I call this adventuring.. where you basically remain open to whatever the universe wants to show you… Yes, you have a general idea of where you are… and where you might go… but you let your intuition be your guide… You let nature and synchronicity inform you… and off you go for a wonderful journey.

This trip, I was traveling with a group of younger people who wanted to teach me about the practicality of using a GPS. OMG, was I ever resistant… Not my style whatsoever. And with much discussion and struggle we managed to do a little of both kinds of travel.  I found myself wanting to know why and how this little machine was going to tell me the best way to go… when I felt I knew so much better. 

In the end, the conclusion was drawn that in those moments that you absolutely have to get there- like the car rental return and airport- or to a business meeting or very specific location… the Global Positioning System was the right tool. For the rest.. you best use your Internal God Positioning System and let it be your guide to the unexpected joys of learning and being in a new place or seeing a familiar place with new eyes.

So how does this work in your life and in your practice?  Are you resistant to those tools that keep us in a box…. accounting software? Business Plans? etc. or are you open to using the tools at your disposal that add positive structure and can get you where you need to go?  Are you overly reliant on the structure and could you be more open to your intuition and having it inform you on the direction you may want to take your practice… Will you allow yourself to take risks, to get a little lost especially if it leads you to a dead end or maybe something really amazing around the corner?

How will you balance these two in the year ahead… What direction are you going?  Are you afraid if you pick one direction, that you are locking yourself out of other possibilities. Are you open to changing direction?

I am in the process of re-writing my business plan for this year… looking more closely at one quarter at a time… This makes sense to me. The absolute truth is that without at least the rudimentary structure of a plan….we are hobbyists… we need to have a map to take us where we are going in business especially.

This map.. is a living, breathing document  and a way to see if we are generally on track BUT it can be designed so as to leave space for the unexpected and be flexible to change course when new opportunities arise.

So consider now, within this first 30 days of the new year… where would you like to be within the last 30 days of this year… What adventuring will you do? What marks to do you definitely want to hit as you navigate the gift of this year?  Who will you journey with, support you and hold you accountable?

Here is to your infinite success and bringing all your tools and you gifts to the table in 2011…

Going Quantum With You!

Marilena

well or at least the planets…there was a Full Moon in Gemini… and A Full Lunar Eclipse on that same day! As a Gemini myself, I pay careful attention to these moments and what I learned was that we were called with that day to let go… let go of what no longer serves us.

As health coaches, the process of letting go of stuff, emotional, physical, mental and all other clutter is an ongoing obligation.. In this way we are always creating a space for what is new and is to come into our lives.

Sometimes we may think if we hold on to our clutter, we are safe.. but nothing is really farther from the truth.. An illusion for sure. We need to be free and as unfettered as possible by what no longer serves us in order to offer the best of what we are becoming to our own selves, our loved ones and our dear clients.

So 2011- time to shed our old cocoons- the ones we though were nourishing us… They did for a while.. but unless you shed them.. there will be no room for you to spread those wings and fly..

With Love and Light.. Marilena

Well anyway, back to carrying the beach in me… The sea is do huge.. so vast and teeming with life..it reminds me always of the limitless possibilities for my life.. It also reminds me there is a rhythm to life and to the earth and tides to follow… and ultimately that we are all one.. for every drop of the ocean is somehow connected to every other drop.

In this connectedness it is important for us as coaches to see that with ourselves and with our clients all things are connected and it pays for us to look at all the key relationships within our lives. When we gain mastery over those we can indeed own our own beach. Oh and by the way mastery does not mean you have it all fixed yet either… it simply means you own it-it does not own you.  This means you are aware and present to your current state and you are working with What Is- as Byron Katie would say.

We need to own most of all that our inner world is a reflection of our outer world… And that when we have clutter and chaos in our bodies (dis-ease, imbalance, excess weight) in our relationships, in our environment, in our bank accounts or wallets- That is a sure sign that we have more work to do… and like magic, often when you or your client does work in one area… wow… other areas start to shift too! That is some powerful coaching!

Where are you in the clutter and chaos in your life?  What dots can you connect? Check in here and let us know…

Going Quantum with you this week!

Marilena