I have been quiet these past several months. Some of you know why. After almost 8 months of caring for my father, he passed away on June 6th. Four days before that, my beloved little Cat, Boo- who was about 14 and who also loved my dad, decided she was going to go on ahead of him to show him the way. So in the course of a few days… I went from full on caretaker… to just, well, me.
I knew most of it was coming, as my mother came to me in a dream almost a year ago, and I saw her walking with my father through a garden path away from me. It was a visit-vision… similar to ones I had before she passed 6 years ago. I knew the writing was on the wall.
And still there is no preparing… and so now here we are. I have now graduated – to the big people's table…. front of the line. A new place set for me… and we begin again…the road has turned to a new leg of the journey.
I could stay stuck in asking "why?" Why was the slate so cleared away? But there comes no answer to that question… However, when I instead ask "What?"– What is it that the universe has in store for me with no one to care for right now but myself…. Time for my work… Time to learn and to teach and to speak to write… Well, then things start to flow again.
The ultimate gift was mine. To help two people I love so deeply in their transitions out of this life. To live and care for them so that we could heal all that was between us and leave only love.
The one thing that came crystal clear to me during this time with my father is the deeper purpose of my life and my work: To love myself and to help others do the same. It is so simple and so profound. Perhaps it sounds selfish… but what I know like I know like I know is that there can be no loving others or healing the world unless we begin by loving ourselves.
My father and I could really butt heads because we were so much alike in so many way. He would always say… you can be anything you want to be… and I would argue with him… believing my limitations over his love and vision. It turns out he was very intuitive and of course he was right, but like many children, I always thought I knew better or more…
In the end I learned to listen.. and to trust… Most of all.. I learned to trust that he loved me so unconditionally… in a way that taught me to really know that I am loveable and deserving of so much more love than I thought ever possible. Perhaps I chose him as my father for this very reason. I could not always choose that for myself before.. Some days I still don't but I am solidly on the path…
Felice (his name means happy) Minucci really really loved his life, his family and friends. But in the end, he really really missed my mother, Julia and I suspect she must have missed him too… the mysteries of life allow me to speculate.. (but some things you just know). So the time came… and they have left me now with the gift of the rest of my life… to breathe, to see, to love many people and know many places.
….Two nights ago, I had a dream. My father and my mother were together… with my dog and my two cats… including my little light bearer, Boo, all fine and happy together. So, I guess it is time to take the next step… time to get back to it… and yes…. and know I am my parents' daughter and I can be anything I really set my mind and heart to but most of all… myself.